What I Believe, Crash Davis Style

Each week, the ChicagoNow community manager, Jimmy Greenfield, suggests a theme that’s intended to spur us into writing action. We’re not required to write a post on the theme, but they’re frequently thought-provoking and/or fun.This week’s challenge is to write about what we believe. Jimmy wrote a fantastic column for RedEye about eleven years ago in which he wrote his own version of the “I believe in…” speech that Kevin Costner’s character, Crash Davis, delivered to an impressed and excited Annie Savoy (Susan Sarandon) in the film Bull Durham.You can read Jimmy’s column here. YouTube has the scene from Bull Durham, which you can watch here, but be sure that no children, easily-offended co-workers, or anyone capable of firing you are within earshot, because it’s rather saucy at the beginning.The scene is almost as effective as just words on a page, so here it is verbatim:I believe in the soul, the [bleep], the [bleep], the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good Scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap.I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.We’re always encouraged to interpret the theme in whatever way we choose, and I’ve played some of them rather fast and loose. With this particular theme I think the beauty’s in the brevity though. It’s definitely where the fun is.Without further ado, here’s what Crash Davis would have said if he were me:I believe in patience, fresh food, the sacredness of youth, taking the scenic route, and that showing someone you love them is better than telling them, although you should do both.I believe in New York City and London Mills. I believe in innate goodness, perverse thoughts, laughing at myself, staying up late, day baseball, and progressivism. I believe in never drinking just one beer, and that a good run always makes you feel better. And I believe in genuine, intense, reflective appreciation for my wife, my kids, and every good thing in my life. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++I also believe that you want to like my Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes. Like it, please.

Want an e-mail every time I write something new? Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. I'm not going to send you a bunch of junk, and you can ditch me any time you want.

Laundry from a Man's Perspective

In the arena of household chores, laundry gets a bad rap. It’s somewhat understandable, I suppose, since it’s one of those chores that’s never done. Even when you’re caught up you’re behind.Unless you’re naked. Then I guess you really are caught up. And actually, come to think of it, maybe that’s why some people choose not to wear clothes. Maybe nudists aren’t people who are just comfortable with their body, or want to be free of inhibitions, or whatever other mumbo jumbo they claim. Maybe they just really hate doing laundry.I try to be a modern, split-the-household-responsibilities kind of guy, so I do some laundry. Notice I said some. Not all. If one person had to do all the laundry for everyone in a house of six people I think psychological madness would ensue is short order. So I do some. Probably not even my fair share, but more than none.I did about six loads of laundry today and it got me thinking about some things.Before I get into that I just remembered one of the most disappointing moments of my life.I don’t know how old I was, maybe five or six, but I vividly recall watching the Snuggle fabric softener commercial and thinking the bear was so awesome. He looked so cuddly and Gizmo-esque. It’d be awesome to see him in person. But then—and I don’t recall how—I figured out that not only did the Snuggle bear not actually talk, laugh, or play in piles of clean laundry, but he wasn’t even real. So sad! Somehow I continued on though.Now, back to the issue at hand.First of all, I’m not sure we should complain about doing laundry at all. I mean what does laundry really entail? Carry some clothes into a room, put them in a machine, wait a while, put them into another machine, wait again, fold the clothes and put them away. Not exactly grueling work. It’s not like you’re down on all fours washing the floor, or scrubbing the clothes with an old school washboard. Machines do all the hard work for us. (Of course, if you are actually using a washboard then you’re hardcore!)I think part of the reason we hate doing laundry is that unless we keep up with it, we can waste an entire weekend day on it. An hour to wash, an hour to dry, and then putting it away, that really adds up. And even though we’re not actively working during that entire period, it still feels like it’s taking all day.I try to keep an eye on the clock so I’ll know exactly when both machines are done in the basement so I’m not wasting any time between loads. But I still end up with minutes when neither machine is running and I’m extending the time I have to think about laundry.This is where a laundromat has a distinct advantage over the at-home washer and dryer. If I wanted to schlep all of my laundry over to the nearest Bubbles & Heat, I could get eight washers and eight dryers going at once, and I’d be done with all of it in two hours. Of course, I’d also have to come up with about ninety bucks in quarters, too, not to mention having to rent a U-Haul to transport my bags of dirty laundry.So I guess there’s no convenient way to do laundry.There’s plenty of inconvenience involved though.Let’s begin with sorting. I’ve heard that people sort their laundry. I don’t. Well, I don’t sort clothes. Separating jeans and my disgusting running clothes from everything else is about the extent of my sorting. I also keep towels and sheets separate from clothes, but lights and darks, fabrics of different types, hot water, cold water…ain’t nobody got time for that.I’m not winning any fashion awards anyway, so I’m not too worried about it.Next, I think laundry soap is one of the biggest modern-day ripoffs. Obviously we have to use it, but does anyone actually measure that stuff as recommended? I’m supposed to fill it to the second line, but that requires a level of precision that I’m usually just not willing to put forth.And I think the detergent people know it. Otherwise they’d give us a smaller cap and just have us fill the cap. Instead they give us a huge cap, tell us to fill it up an eighth of the way, and then sell us more detergent when we only get 52 loads from that 60-load bottle.It all beats wearing stinky, dirty clothes though. But still, it would have been cool to meet Snuggle.+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Come to the place where it's always warm and spring fresh: My Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes. Like it, please.

Want an e-mail every time I write something new? Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. I'm not going to send you a bunch of junk, and you can ditch me any time you want.

Coffee is Gross

Sometimes it seems like I’m the only person on Earth who doesn’t have a cup of coffee in the morning. Or ten more during the day. Or one after dinner. Coffee is among very few foods or beverages that most people assume everyone else likes.And judging by the lines I see at Starbucks every morning, that’s a safe assumption.I have an unrelated observation here. I pass a Starbucks every single day, and the line for the drive-thru is always at least eight or ten cars long. Sometimes the cars snake through the parking lot, and two or three actually wait in the street. Meanwhile, the parking lot is mostly empty. I want to walk up to the people waiting in the drive-thru and ask them why they don’t just park and go inside. It’d be a heck of a lot faster. I’d say they were lazy, but maybe I shouldn’t expect too much from them since they haven’t had their coffee yet.Anyway back to the mater at hand. Coffee is a mystery to me. Billions of people around the world go gaga over it, but I just can’t get into it. I’ve tried it numerous times, and every time I drink it I’m left with the same thought: “Is it supposed to taste like that?”And actually, maybe I’m not the only one. I have no statistics to support this (67% of statistics are made up on the spot anyway), but I’d bet most people don’t drink their coffee black. They add cream or sugar or milk or whatever else to mask the flavor. I don’t blame them. I could probably drink coffee if I added enough cream and sugar. “Do you want some coffee with your sweet milk?”Iced coffee is craziness to me, as well. I tried it one time and it tasted like someone decided they didn’t want to dump the pot of old, room temperature coffee, so they just poured it over some ice and said, “I bet people will drink this.” And, of course, people do.And even though I’m not a coffee drinker, I know that coffee is supposed to be a hot drink. Serving it chilled just seems wrong. Every hipster and his brother is starting their own craft brewery, but I’ve yet to see anyone try to float the idea of drinking hot beer. Sounds gross, doesn’t it? Why? Because beer is supposed to be cold.But whatever. I don’t really care. I’m not drinking coffee whether it’s hot or cold. Why not? Because my taste buds work, that’s why not. I think most people who really like coffee just burned their taste buds off the first time they ever tried it, so now they don’t even know that they’re drinking warm swill.It’s just the flavor of coffee that I don’t like though. I love how it smells. I’ve actually thought about buying some coffee just so my house could smell like it every morning, but it just seems like too much effort, and rather wasteful. What I really need is for someone to come over before I get up and brew the coffee and then drink it. Or I guess I could just buy a candle.Coffee-flavored products are usually pretty tasty, too. Coffee ice cream is so delicious that every time I have it I think, “Maybe I’ve developed a taste for coffee. I should try it again.” Then my brain freeze ends and I remember that I’ve been down that road before and it sucks.My wife doesn’t drink coffee either. However, when I told her I was writing about coffee she offered up this little diddy:C-O-F-F-E-ECoffee is not for meIt’s a drink that people wake up withThat it makes them nervous is no mythSlaves to a coffee cupThey can’t give coffee upThanks to Mother Regina Mary in my wife’s Catholic grade school for that gem. I don't think she liked coffee either.ADDENDUM: I had an old pickup truck that I sold on Craigslist a couple of years ago. The guy who bought it from me was named Juan Valdez. I wanted to ask him if I could trade it for a donkey, but I didn't.+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++You know what else doesn't suck? My Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes. Like it, please.

Want an e-mail every time I write something new? Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. I'm not going to send you a bunch of junk, and you can ditch me any time you want.

I Was Wrong, The National Toy Hall of Fame Doesn't Suck

Yesterday, the Susan Lucci of toys finally got the nod. Sixteen years after the first class of inductees to the National Toy Hall of Fame, the Rubik’s Cube has finally secured its place among the legendary toys of all time.Somehow the National Toy Hall of Fame, which was founded in 1998, managed to exist for ten or eleven years without me knowing about it. Then, a few years ago NPR had a story about the newest class of inductees. During the story, the reporter pointed out that the Rubik’s Cube was not a member of the Hall.I immediately felt the sort of intense rage that overcomes an otherwise rational person when confronted with completely trivial news. How can you have a National Toy Hall of Fame without the Rubik’s Cube? That’s like having a National Baseball Hall of Fame without the person who got more hits than anyone who’s ever played the game, Pete Rose.Ah-ha! That’s it. Rubik’s Cube must have admitted that it used to gamble on other toys.Turns out I was wrong. Rubik’s Cube is an inanimate object, so it can’t gamble. And if gambling was grounds to keep a toy out of the hall of fame, then there’s no way jacks (inducted in the second class of inductees) would have ever made it in!Every year when the new class of toy inductees was announced, I experienced an occurrence of ridiculous Rubik’s rage. As a guy who grew up in the eighties, enjoys puzzles, and is capable of steady persistence to meaningless pursuits, the Rubik’s Cube seemed specifically designed for me. I have vivid memories of watching my older sister play with it at the height of its popularity, and I have a Cubs-themed Cube tucked away in my dresser drawer. (I may like to spend time with my kids, but I’ll be damned if I’m sharing my Cubs Rubik’s Cube. They might wreck it!)And then this year, victory!Yet even though the National Toy Hall of Fame had finally recognized the Rubik’s Cube, for me it seemed too little, too late. Sort of the like the stories I used to hear of parents adding their names to the waitlist for tickets to The Bozo Show, only to have the tickets finally come through when their child was sixteen years old, and didn’t give a crap about Bozo anymore.The National Toy Hall of Fame had permanently damaged its credibility in my eyes. No way could I support an organization that took so long to recognize such a cool toy. And I was all ready to write a post about how the HOF was a joke, and they should be ashamed of themselves for taking so long to honor obvious cubical greatness, when I saw the toys inducted before Rubik’s Cube.Barbie, Crayola crayons, Etch-a-Sketch, Lego, Lincoln Logs, Hula hoops, Monopoly, bicycles, Mr. Potato Head, Tonka Truck, checkers, rocking horse, Easy-Bake Oven, kites, ball, Big Wheels, dollhouses, rubber ducks and three dozen other toys.Holy cow! No wonder Rubik’s Cube didn’t make it in until now. There’s just too much toy awesomeness. I can’t make a case against including any of those things I listed. They’re all hall worthy.So now I sort of feel bad about the years-long scorn I’ve heaped upon the National Toy Hall of Fame. And not only over the Rubik’s Cube thing, but it turns out they’ve made some pretty awesome inductions decisions.In 2005 they inducted the cardboard box. Genius! What parent hasn’t purchased some fancy toy for their kid, only to see the rascal ignore the toy and play with the box? All of my kids have spent countless hours pretending a simple cardboard box is a castle, or a pirate ship, or a sometimes even just a box.In 2008 they inducted the stick, and in 2011, the blanket. A kid’s creativity and imagination lets them do more things with a stick than you can shake a stick at! And blanket forts are so cool they need no explanation.So my apologies, National Toy Hall of Fame. Turns out you’re pretty cool, with or without the Rubik’s Cube. In fact, since you’re just down the road from the National Baseball Hall of Fame, maybe it’s time for a little HOF road trip.If only I could think of something to bring along to keep my kids occupied during the drive.+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++You know what else doesn't suck? My Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes. Like it, please.

Want an e-mail every time I write something new? Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. I'm not going to send you a bunch of junk, and you can ditch me any time you want.

How to Make Sure Your Kids Aren't Jerks

Sometime late in my teenage years, after it became clear that neither me nor my two sisters would turn out to be ax murderers, Cardinals fans or Republicans (we do have a sense of humor though, so relax!), it dawned on me that I didn’t really know what my parents did to ensure we became good people.I don’t remember any landmark moments when they sat us down and said, “This is what you do to avoid being a jerk.” Or “This is how you become a productive member of society.” Or “This is why you shouldn’t hate yourself or other people.” Maybe they did those things and I just don’t remember them, but I don’t think so.So even though I was years away from having kids, I worried that when I did have kids I wouldn’t know what to do. I don’t mean I wouldn’t know how to handle the easy stuff like changing diapers or feeding them. Even if I couldn’t figure that stuff out on my own (or with the help of an awesome wife, which I just happened to luck into), I could have read it in a book.I’m talking about the really difficult stuff. Like how do I make sure my kid doesn’t become the Unabomber, or J.R. Ewing, or Biff Tannen? What if I do it wrong? If they were already on the road to Assholevania could I interject and change their ways?But then a funny thing happened after they were born: I didn’t worry about it as much. I didn’t look at my oldest daughter when she was two and think, “What if she turns out to be a mean girl?” And when my youngest son was born I didn’t hold him in my arms and wonder, “How many ponzi schemes will he operate?”At some point I realized that I’d uncovered the secret to being a good parent. There was no moment of genius. It just sort of dawned on me one day that by spending so much time with my kids I might be helping to shape the sort of person they’ll become. And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. The best thing any parent can do for their child is to spend time with them.Time.It’s the one thing we can’t buy for our kids. We can’t get it back. We can’t slow it down. And despite the popular phrase, we can’t makeup for it once it’s lost. If it’s gone, it’s gone.Now, I don’t mean to boil down the complexities of parenting into one simple idea. I know there are other forces at work that affect the amount of time we can spend with our children. And, by the way, if you’re a contemptible human being, then your child might actually be better off with you. So ignore my advice.But for most of us, time can work wonders.Our kids are born and they know nothing. And unless you drop them off in the wild somewhere, they’re going to learn things. They can learn those things from you, or they can learn those things from someone else. I’d prefer they learn them from me.So I spend time with my kids. We read, we play school, we play video games, we go for walks, we go to the park, we go to see scary movies, we watch television, we bake, we eat, we listen to Taylor Swift, we color, we do nothing but hang out.And a funny thing happens after days, and weeks, and months, and years of spending time with my kids. They show me that it’s been time well-spent. They show me in how they treat others, how they think for themselves, how they’re not afraid to show affection, and a thousand other ways.Sometimes my kids are jerks. Sometimes they don’t listen, sometimes they don’t do the things they should, sometimes they do things they shouldn’t. They’re not perfect, but they are good. And I know the bad times won’t last too long.It’s not easy. Spending time with my kids means that I don’t spend time doing other fun things like reading, or bike riding, or going out with friends, or watching television. And that’s fine by me. The books, bikes, bars and bad TV will be there tomorrow. But my kids are only this age for today.No way am I going to miss it!+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Spend some time on my Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes. Like it, please.

Want an e-mail every time I write something new? Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. I'm not going to send you a bunch of junk, and you can ditch me any time you want.

Voting with NRA is Pointless for Democrats

Back in April 2013, a bill went before the United States Senate that would require background checks for all gun sales, including those at gun shows and online. Polls showed that 90% of Democrats and 84% of Republicans supported the measures. Majorities in each group said they strongly supported such measures.Seems like a no-brainer, right?Unfortunately, the people with no brains prevailed. Despite almost universal support, the bill went down in defeat in the United States Senate, 54 – 46, failing to get the 60 votes required by Senate rules.Five Democrats voted against the measure: Max Baucus from Montana, Mark Begich from Alaska, Heidi Heitkamp from North Dakota, Mark Pryor from Arkansas, and Harry Reid from Nevada.Reid voted against the measure at the last second when it was clear it wouldn’t pass. This was a parliamentary move that allows him to bring up the measure again. He’s actually for the bill.Baucus retired from the Senate rather than face re-election this year, although he says that he didn’t decide to retire until after the gun vote. I wish he said he decided to retire before the gun vote. Then maybe I’d believe his claim that he was simply a “hired hand” charged to carry out the wishes of Montana citizens, rather than fearful of the gun lobby.No doubt Baucus remembers 1996. He won re-election that year by just 4.8%, shortly after he voted for gun control laws. You might think that’s not a bad margin considering he’s a Democrat in a Republican state. However, his average margin of victory in his other five Senate elections: 28.8%.So it’s safe to assume that since he hadn’t yet decided to retire, Baucus had thoughts of his 1996 campaign, and what might happen in his 2014 campaign if he voted for the bill.Heitkamp was just elected in 2012, so she’s not up for re-election until 2018. She defended her vote by stating her office received a lot of calls asking her to vote no. She went on to state that she didn’t believe the polls that showed 94% of North Dakota citizens supported the bill!That leaves Begich and Pryor. Both Democrats are from conservative states that haven’t voted for a Democratic president since Bill Clinton (Pryor, Arkansas) or Lyndon Johnson (Begich, Alaska). Both Begich and Pryor had politician fathers popular in their own states. Begich came to the Senate in 2008, when the man he was running against, Ted Stevens, was under indictment for corruption.And since Democrats from conservative states are usually rather conservative themselves, maybe it’s no surprise that they’d be against universal background checks.However, when 90% of Americans agree on something, you’d think that the vote should be easy. Ninety percent! We can’t get that many Americans to agree that the moon landings actually happened.Still, Begich and Pryor voted against the bill and the wishes of 90% of Americans.Presumably they were worried that the NRA might attack them like they attacked Senator Mary Landrieu from Louisiana in the past few weeks. It’s the classic NRA message of “someone’s about to attack you, and you need your gun to defend yourself, but this politician wants to take your gun away from you.” One ad shows a mother putting her baby to bed when someone kicks in the door, and a narrator says the police can’t protect you, and you have to protect yourself. “But Mary Landrieu voted to take away your gun rights. Vote like your safety depends on it. Defend your freedom. Defeat Mary Landrieu.”Mary Landrieu received the most votes in her race for Senate in Louisiana, and is headed for a runoff.As for Begich and Pryor—the two Senators who stumbled into office thanks to the achievements of their fathers or the troubles of other men—they were both defeated last night. The NRA supported Pryor’s challenger and stayed neutral in Begich’s race. In the end even opposing the wishes of 90% of Americans, and ignoring a common sense restriction on gun ownership, and refusing to do anything to help prevent more innocent children from being slaughtered, and choosing fear over common sense, weren’t enough to save their jobs.All they have left is a legacy of spinelessness, the refusal to put a cause above themselves, and the unmistakable fact that they helped make this country a more dangerous place to live.+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Be smart and like my Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes.

Want an e-mail every time I write something new? Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. I'm not going to send you a bunch of junk, and you can ditch me any time you want.

Interesting Elections from American History

I’m almost as tired of hearing about this election as I am hearing about that dude's high wire walk the other day. Luckily, we’ve been spared the popular “This is the most important election of our lifetime” trope that we usually hear around Election Day. Still, it’s all rather tiresome.So instead I’ve been thinking about past elections. We have to wait four years between presidential elections, but we have congressional elections every couple of years in the United States, and those can also be quite entertaining. And since it’s likely you haven’t given much thought to these old elections, I’m here to remind you that we don’t have a lock on crazy politicians in the present day.The following election stories—some presidential, some not—all actually happened, and remind us again that we have a far-from-perfect system.1800: Any time someone spouts off about how perfect the Constitution is, you can remind them of this little gem. Before the Twelfth Amendment, Presidential electors cast two votes for president. The person who got the most votes was president. The person with the second most votes was vice president. In 1796, John Adams bested Thomas Jefferson, so Adams was president, Jefferson VP.Then, in 1800 the two men ran against each other again. This time, Jefferson and his running mate, Aaron Burr, each received the same number of votes. An electoral tie. It had always been understood that TJ was the main man, and Burr would play second fiddle, but Burr was a bit of a scoundrel, and refused to concede the presidency.Instead it went to the House of Representatives, where it took 36 votes for Jefferson to prevail. Burr became Vice President, where he went on to shoot and kill Alexander Hamilton in a duel, but that’s a story for another day.1824: You probably know that winning the popular vote in the United States doesn’t mean you’ll be president. (Just ask Al Gore.) What a candidate really needs to do is win the electoral vote, right? Not quite. In 1824, Andrew Jackson won the electoral vote and the popular vote, but he didn’t win the presidency. Four major candidates ran for president that year (imagine that!), and none of them won a majority of electoral votes, which is actually what’s required for the presidency.So under the Twelfth Amendment the election goes to the House of Representatives, where each representative votes for one of the top three candidates, and the candidate who receives the most representative votes in that state wins the state, and whoever wins the most states wins the presidency. John Quincy Adams won thirteen states, Andrew Jackson seven states, and William Crawford four states. John Quincy Adams is president.1836: Richard Johnson was elected to be Martin Van Buren’s vice president. However, some of Virginia’s presidential electors had heard rumors that Johnson had a relationship with a black slave. God forbid the vice president have a relationship with a black slave (the irony of Virginian Thomas Jefferson’s long-term relationship with his slave, Sally Hemings, is awesome). So the electors didn’t vote for Johnson, which left MVB without a VP. The Twelfth Amendment kicked in, and the vote went to the Senate and Johnson was chosen as VP.And somehow the country didn’t collapse.1874: Holy cow this was a bad mid-term election for the sitting president, Ulysses S. Grant! The country was in the middle of an economic depression, Grant’s administration was mired in scandal, and a good portion of the country was tired of Reconstruction, which was the effort to rebuild the defeated South after the Civil War. All of that meant bad news for President Grant’s party, the Republicans. How bad? The Republicans lost 93 seats in the House of Representatives. Before the election they had a 203-88 majority. After the election they were a 181-107 minority!1876: I mentioned the popular “This is the most important election of our lifetime” claim earlier. However, the presidential election in 1876 actually was important, and changed the history of the country.Democrat Samuel Tilden kicked Rutherford B. Hayes’s butt in the popular vote, and was one vote shy of winning the electoral vote, with twenty electoral votes in dispute. The two parties came together and devised the short-sighted Compromise of 1877. In the compromise, all twenty electoral votes, and thus the presidency, were given to Hayes, the Republican. In exchange, the Republicans agreed to end Reconstruction, which allowed the Southern Democrats to return the south to the political economy that existed prior to the Civil War, and helped subjugate and disenfranchise black Americans for decades.1894: American voters are extremely fickle, and often can’t remember any further back than the current election cycle. This time an even worse economic depression hit, but unlike 1874, the Democrats suffered. They lost 107 seats and went from a 220-126 majority, to a 246-104 minority.1946: First-time Congressman often don’t go on to do too much. They’re happy just to have been elected, and usually have a hard enough time just holding on to their own seats in the future. However, two freshman Congressman from the 1946 mid-term elections did rather well for themselves: John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon.We’ll see if this year’s election is as interesting as any of these previous elections. At least in the elections above we didn’t have to watch any campaign ads!+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Vote for me and like my Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes.

Want an e-mail every time I write something new? Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. I'm not going to send you a bunch of junk, and you can ditch me any time you want.

National Blog Posting Month is Dumb and So am I

In case you don’t know—and unless you have your own blog, you probably don’t know—this is National Blog Posting Month. I have a blog and I didn’t know what month it was until this afternoon. All this time I thought it was November, and it turns out that it’s not. It’s National Blog Posting Month.I like November better. Easier to say. Also, I don’t have to google November to remember what it’s called.Anyway, National Blog Posting Month is a challenge that someone (I’m guessing a blogger) devised in which bloggers try to post one post per day for the entire month of November. The math wizard in me has calculated that such an exercise works out to thirty posts during National Blog Posting Month. That’s a lot.To add some perspective, I posted my first Dry it in the Water post on July 13. That’s 114 days ago. This is my fifty-second post, which works out to a post every 2.19 days.In general I’m opposed to doing or creating things just because someone says you should. People shouldn’t make kids because they feel obligated, they shouldn’t give gifts because they feel obligated, and they shouldn’t write blog posts because they feel obligated.I realize that blog posting is a little less serious than making kids, but I have a whole mess of reasons why I shouldn’t participate in National Blog Posting Month.1. It’s known by the acronym NaBloPoMo. God, how I hate stupid acronyms, and that’s about the stupidest (yes it’s a word!) one I’ve ever seen. And when did the two-letter acronym become so popular? If two letters were common decades ago there would be no IBM, only InBuMa. It doesn’t have the same ring does it? Plus, it totally defeats the purpose of an acronym in the first place! If I have to think about the acronym more than I think about what it’s shortening, then it’s useless.2. November’s a long month. Thirty posts is a lot. Someone should have thought this through better and chosen February instead.3. I’m setting myself up for failure. What if I miss a day?4. It seems sort of self-indulgent. “Hey you, Mr. or Ms. Reader, I appreciate you reading my blog a few times a week, and since I’m sure you enjoy it so much, I’m going to give you an entry every single day until after Thanksgiving. Believe me, I have enough interesting thoughts to keep you engaged. So sit back and enjoy.” In reality I might just be wearing out the Delete key on my readers’ keyboards.5. It makes me focus on time and the passing of time. The last thing I need is something else to remind me how quickly time passes by. I’ve got four kids for that. I might as well install a ticking clock behind my ear so I can hear the seconds pass.6. It risks taking something that’s fun and making it into work. I like to write and I like to blog. I want that to remain a hobby and not a chore. Making myself do it every single day risks making it into a chore. I already don’t do half the chores I should do, so why add to that list?7. Thanksgiving weekend. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, I think. Cooking, and baking, and eating, and parades, and family, and friends, and movies, and four days off, and not going shopping, and staying up late, and eating. Notice how blogging is nowhere in there?Okay, so maybe seven doesn’t qualify as a “whole mess” of reasons, but it’s enough to dissuade me from participating in NaBloPoMo.However, it might also be fun and challenging, which are two things that I try to experience as much as I can.So let it begin. I’m already two days behind, since I just found out about this idiocy today. That means not only do I have to write 30 posts in 30 days, but I have to write 30 posts in 28 days. And since you’re a math wizard you’ll deduce that I’m going to have to post two entries on two days. Sweet.Oh, and what happens if I fail at NaBloPoMo and miss a day or don’t make 30 posts or write posts that literally nobody reads?Nothing, except your ridicule. And I’m probably already subject to silent ridicule from some, so who cares?LeGeItGo. Let’s get it going!+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Hey you, Blog Reader Person, how 'bout you do something nice and like my Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes?

Want an e-mail every time I write something new? Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. I'm not going to send you a bunch of junk, and you can ditch me any time you want.