Some Thoughts One Year After the Cubs Won the World Series

I’m much more calm as I write this the evening of November 2 than I was a year ago at this time. The Cubs aren’t playing in game seven of the World Series, so I don’t have that cocktail of equal parts disbelief and apprehension running through my veins.The impossible happened that night. A major truth of my life—that the Cubs don’t win the World Series—became false.I remember watching Cubs baseball as a kid, and at least a few times every season they’d show the setting sun, and Harry Caray would say something like, “There’s the sun setting in the west, just as it does every single night. It rises in the east, and sets in the west. What a story it would be if it ever happened differently.”That’s sort of how I felt about the Cubs and the World Series. Every September, I figuratively said to myself, “There are the Cubs, not making the World Series again, let alone winning it. What a story it would be if it ever happened differently.”And then it did.Somehow I still can’t believe it. All season I’d listen to promos on The Score that included the tag, “Home of your world champion Chicago Cubs” and it always seemed surreal. Like it couldn’t really be the Cubs who won the World Series.On their Facebook page today the Cubs posted a video commemorating their World Series victory and I watched the whole thing and felt a little choked up by the end.It’s so ironic that this game that is so reliant on statistics—more so than any other sport—really just comes down to emotion. We watch the game with one part of our brain focused on detached analysis based on a million different statistical measurements, while another part of our brain doesn’t care how it happens, we just want our team to win!And the additional irony is that when the team wins it’s not really about the team at all. Or at least the majority of it isn’t about the team. It’s about each individual fan’s experience.When the Cubs beat the Dodgers in the NLCS in 2016, I had to go see my dad. He lives 25 miles from me, and he was actually working at his overnight retirement job, but he’s the one that got me into this mess of being a Cubs fan, and he’s the one who taught me everything I know about baseball.And when I told my kids that I was going to see him, they all wanted to come, too. So me and my three youngest kids loaded into my car just after ten o’clock at night to go see him. We talked for a few minutes, speculated on what the World Series would be like, and then we drove home.During those seven games of the World Series, I didn’t cheer as much for the 2016 Cubs as I did for my relationship with the Cubs. I cheered for the years of losing, and the frustration I felt as a kid, and the countless times my dad took me to Wrigley Field, and Busch Stadium, and Three Rivers Stadium, and Riverfront Stadium to see them.I watched those games with my kids. My youngest son has transformed into a fanatic over the past year. He watches baseball YouTube videos non-stop, watched more games than I did this past season, and knows ten times as much about the game this November 2 than he did last November 2. I’m very conscious of the fact that this past year has shaped the way he’ll experience baseball for the rest of his life.My other son is thirteen, and while he’s not as big of a baseball fan as my younger son, he had a more emotional reaction to the Cubs winning the World Series. I have no doubt that he just understood what it meant to me.I’m lucky that I had the presence of mind to use my video camera to record our reaction during the end of the World Series. I don’t think I’ll ever share what I recorded, but it will always be a priceless treasure for me.It’s been one year since the Cubs won the World Series. And I don’t care if it’s 107 more. I had this one with my dad and my kids.What more could I ask for?Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

PREVIOUS POST: I Tried to Talk My Daughter Out of Losing a ToothIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: What A Cubs World Series Means to Me

I Tried to Talk My Daughter Out of Losing a Tooth

Almost from the day they were born I’ve been begging my kids to stop growing so fast. And although they’re good kids, and I’m proud of each of them, none of them have listened to me and slowed their growth.Every single year they’ve grown a year older, a few inches taller, a bit more independent, and more than just a bit wiser. And while I enjoy watching them grow and mature, I wish it didn’t seem to happen so damn fast.I think I’m as sensitive to this as any parent. I always think about how they change as they grow older, and how this moment is only going to be here once. I’m nostalgic for things related to my kids as they’re happening.My daughter’s seventh birthday party wasn’t even over before I started reminiscing about how sweet my daughter’s seventh birthday party was.The latest development in my daughter’s growth has left me troubled. I noticed it a few months back, in its initial stages, but in the past couple of days it’s reaching all out crisis mode.One of her two front teeth is loose. (I wish I knew a formal way of writing the word No with thirty-seven o’s at the end, spoken as a howl.)Losing front teeth is a sure sign that the ultra-early childhood years are concluding. It’s early elementary school, and she’s still closer to toddler age than middle school age, but this loose front tooth is a sure indicator of the direction in which things are headed.I can’t think of any single natural event that changes little kids more than losing those front teeth. They’re so tiny. My daughter’s so damn cute I can’t stand it, and those little teeth just remind me that she’s always been so small, and so sweet. She takes little tiny bites, and can’t eat very much, and has a smile that melts my heart.None of that will change when she loses her teeth, but once they’re gone, they’re gone. Her smile will still melt my heart, but it won’t have those tiny little teeth anymore.There won’t be any teeth there for some time, and that will add its own level of adorableness. But after that it’s just adult teeth.So my solution to this dental development is to bribe my daughter to postpone losing those teeth as long as possible. When I first felt her loose tooth a few months ago I told her not to wiggle it, and if it were still in place by Christmas, I’d give her a gift. I knew that I had to do something to counteract whatever that devilish Tooth Fairy would do. She grows up fast enough. I don’t need her rushing the process just to score a few bucks and a candy bar.That plan seemed to work well-enough. I didn’t see her wiggle the tooth, and despite the excitement that every kid feels when they have a loose tooth, she seemed to have forgotten about it.But recently she rediscovered the loose tooth, and I’m afraid I can’t stop her. I tried to offer her some alternative to get her to stop wiggling it until Christmas, but she’s having none of it. And the tooth is getting looser by the day. It bled as she brushed her teeth tonight, and I suspect she’ll have a big gap there by this time next week.I know I should be happy, and I am. Or part of me is. But that cute little smile that I’ve loved for so many years is about to change, and it’ll never be the same again. And it’s just a reminder that the cute little girl behind the smile is changing everyday as well.And when I think about that, it doesn’t seem so ridiculous to be nostalgic for things as they are happening.But this is what we sign up for as parents. Our kids are born, and then they set out on the long, arduous, lovely journey of leaving us, becoming their own person, and maybe having kids of their own.I don’t want to stop any of that. It’s the way things are supposed to happen, and I love every minute of it.But if we can just keep those baby teeth until Christmas…Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

PREVIOUS POST: My Kids Have a Plan to Protect Their Candy From MeIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Teaching Kids How to Blow Bubbles Provides a Parenting Rarity: Immediate Results

My Kids Have a Plan to Protect Their Candy From Me

It’s Halloween and my kids prepared. They had their costumes, they did a trunk-or-treat run a couple of days earlier to practice for the big night, and the pumpkins were carved.But more than that they had a plan in place to combat the candy thievery they experienced last year. In case you missed it, I wrote last year about my penchant for stealing their Halloween candy stash. I have certain guidelines I follow when relieving them of their candy burden, but they’re ready for me this year.My oldest son is a faithful reader of this blog, and when he read my post about eating his candy last year, he was none too happy. In fact, he turned into a sort of candy loan shark, expecting me to pay him back double for the candy I ate. It didn’t take long for me to assuage him of that expectation, but he was relentless in his quest for justice.I ate a bag of pretzel M&M’s that belonged to him, and that made him particularly angry. I assured him that I’d replace the bag, and tried to convince him that by deferring his consumption of the M&M’s I was actually extending Halloween’s magic. He wasn’t buying it.Every couple of weeks for months he’d ask, “So, dad, where are those pretzel M&M’s you promised me?” But he never asked me when we were in a store that sold pretzel M&M’s, so his reimbursement took longer than he wanted. I settled with him a few months ago though, and I made sure to let him know that the bag I handed him was a direct replacement for the M&M’s I ate.A few weeks ago, when we were talking about Halloween costumes, he said something like, “I’ll be ready for you this year.” I asked him what he meant, and he said, “I’m going to make sure you don’t steal all of my candy again.”First of all, I didn’t steal all of his candy, or even most of it. One of my candy stealing rules is that I never take the last piece of anything. So if I don’t take the last piece of anything then I obviously can’t steal ALL of his candy.Also, I’m planning a self-imposed candy hiatus this year. I’ve been eating junk pretty much non-stop since last Halloween, and it turns out that that’s not a good idea. After some last-minute sweets-devouring this past weekend, I decided that Halloween is the perfect time to give the sweet tooth a well-deserved break.Still, my kids are smart to implement their own candy protection protocol. All three of my trick-or-treaters came up with their own defenses.My oldest son said that he’s going to cut a hole in the wall behind one of the posters in his room and stick his candy in there. He won’t tell me which poster, and he’ll know if I’ve been rummaging if any of his posters are disturbed. Not a bad plan, especially since he’s never seen The Shawshank Redemption and came up with it on his own.However, neither his mother nor I will react very well if he starts cutting holes in walls.My younger son said that he’s just going to give me all of his Tootsie Rolls in the hopes that he can appease me. Not a bad strategy. Tootsie Rolls are good, and since he has recently referred to them as “trash” he’s not losing anything. However, Tootsie Rolls are a gateway candy. Give me a Tootsie Roll and it won’t be long before I’ll be jonesing for a Snickers or a Kit Kat.My daughter has perhaps the most-loving, but also least-foolproof plan. “You have to ask me before you take my candy,” she said. “Don’t just take it. You have to ask.”I assume she wants me to ask so she can have veto power over my selection. Fair enough. But when I’m on a chocolate binge, I can’t help it if some of those candy bars accidentally find a home in my face.Lucky for all three of them, I’m not a threat to their candy this year. They have a great haul this year. I helped my daughter sort her candy, and there was almost no “I’m not eating that” candy. It’s a big year for Skittles, but Snickers and M&M’s are well represented this year, as always. But I don’t want any of it. I’m backing off. The sweet tooth is out of commission, so the candy is theirs.I applaud their preparation though!Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

PREVIOUS POST: My Sense of Humor Has Evolved Over the YearsIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Some Notes on Stealing Halloween Candy From My Kids

My Sense of Humor Has Evolved Over the Years

A little over four years ago I read a New York Times article about Jack Handey, who until that moment I had assumed was a fictional character. Turns out that the Deep Thoughts that used to appear on Saturday Night Live were written by a real guy, and his real name is Jack Handey.At the end of the New York Times article, he shares a Deep Thought that never aired because only he and his wife ever laughed at it: “See the fox running through the snow. Then he’s attacked by his mortal enemy: the fox. Fox on fox. Man, what a sight.”I burst out laughing when I read that the first time. I’ve gone back to it a number of times in the years since, and I laugh every single time. And just now, after not having read it for maybe a year or so, I tried to read it to my son and only got about halfway through before I started laughing.I have no idea why it’s funny. It’s not a typical joke. I think it’s the ridiculousness that appeals to me. I like ridiculous. Smart ridiculous. Stupid ridiculous is just ridiculous. And stupid.My sense of humor has evolved over the years. When I was in my late teens and early twenties a film called Kingpin made me laugh almost non-stop. But when I watched it again a few years ago for the first time in fifteen years or so, I barely even chuckled, which surprised me. Before that night I wouldn’t have guessed that my sense of humor had changed as much as it has.Over the past few years I’ve become fanatical about a podcast called WTF. It’s hosted by Marc Maron, who’s worked as a stand-up comedian for thirty years. He has developed into an excellent long-form interviewer. When the podcast first began he talked almost exclusively to comedians. He has branched out since then, but after talking to hundreds of different comedians and listening to their stories he has created a sort of oral history of comedy.And because of these interviews I’ve become more interested in comedy. I’ve always liked to laugh, but I knew very few comedians. Listening to these episodes has not only introduced me to the comedians he interviews, but the comedians referenced in the course of conversation.The podcast has forced me to reconsider comedians who I’d long convinced myself I didn’t like.Garry Shandling, for instance. I remember watching his first show, It’s Garry Shandling’s Show, and thinking he was so unfunny. And when his Larry Sanders Show aired I avoided it on purpose. But after hearing part of Shandling’s WTF interview, and hearing how much he helped other comedians, I went back and listened to his work and found that he’s fantastic. He makes me laugh incessantly.Paula Poundstone. No one has ever seemed less funny to me than Paula Poundstone. But over years of hearing her on Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me on NPR, I’ve totally changed my opinion and I’m quite certain she’s one of the funniest women on earth.Bob Newhart is another person I’ve come to appreciate more as my tastes have changed. I never loathed him as much as the others, but he never made me laugh. But I listened to some of his old stuff, and watched a few episodes of Newhart, and he’s hilarious!There are some comedians I’ve liked since childhood though. Steven Wright and Brian Regan are probably my two favorite comedians. Steven Wright’s comedy works for me like no one else’s:“It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.”“I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.”“I want to get a full body tattoo of myself, only two inches taller.”I’ve heard or read those jokes dozens of times and they still make me laugh.Brian Regan is hilarious, and tells mostly clean jokes. But he is so consistently funny. In fact, on an episode of WTF, Marc Maron tells a story where he was sitting around with Brian Regan and a couple of other comedians, and one of the other guys commented on how Regan always works clean. And Regan said, “Hey, I have cuss sometimes. I have a joke where I use the word motherfucker.” The other guys said, “Oh yeah?” And Regan said, “Yeah, it’s a joke about a butterfly.” So funny!As a kid I remember watching Caroline’s Comedy Hour on A&E, and the Half Hour Comedy Hour on MTV, and Stand Up Spotlight on VH1.I marvel at the ability to write jokes. I can’t imagine sitting down and saying, “Okay, now I’m going to write something funny.” Incomprehensible to me how anyone can do that.It’s even more incomprehensible why certain things are funny. That Jack Handey joke always make me laugh. Why? Not one of those sentences is funny by itself, but when put together in that order…magic.I guess it just proves the old adage that there’s nothing more unfunny than trying to figure out why something’s funny.This was written as part of Blogapalooz-Hour, ChicagoNow's monthly writing exercise. Tonight we were challenged to "Write about and describe your sense of humor."Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

PREVIOUS POST: I Beat a Chicago Parking Ticket Because They Cited the Wrong Law Seven Months After It Was ChangedIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: I Made Katharine Hepburn's Brownie Recipe

I Beat a Chicago Parking Ticket Because They Cited the Wrong Law Seven Months After It Was Changed

First things first: I knew my license plates were expired. I live in Indiana, and people whose last name begins with B must renew their license plates in February in Indiana. Mine expire every year on the 21st of February.So by the time June came around, I had no excuse for not having renewed my plates. I drive an old car, and it costs less than thirty bucks to renew the plates. Since it costs so little, it was a low priority chore for me. I’m the first to admit that doesn’t make sense, but that’s how I thought about it. Once I missed the renewal date, I stopped thinking about it.Actually, that’s not quite true. I did think about it. I tried to renew online, but since it was past the renewal date, I couldn’t do so. I tried to renew at the after-hours do-it-yourself kiosk at the license branch, but couldn’t do it there either. So I knew I’d have to go into the branch and talk to a real, live person.“I’ll get to it,” I kept telling myself. Week after week I put it off, always with the understanding that if a police officer pulled me over I’d probably get a ticket.Then one day in mid-June I came out to my car and saw the menacing orange envelope tucked under my windshield wiper. Ticket. I’ve received a couple of these during the fourteen years I’ve driven to Chicago for work on a daily basis. I looked for No Parking signs, and saw none. I checked my distance to the curb, looked for a fire hydrant, nothing. I couldn’t figure out why I got the ticket.And then, as I pulled the slip of paper from the orange envelope, it occurred to me. The plates!I looked at the slip of paper, and sure enough, I received a $60 ticket for expired plates.But I’m an Indiana resident! Why does Chicago care if I have expired Indiana plates? Is that even legal? They can’t ticket me for having expired plates from another state. Shouldn’t someone in Indiana ticket me?“I need to check the city ordinance on this,” I told myself.I checked online and found two different sources for the Chicago Municipal Code. They both were clear. The City of Chicago code states that any car that’s subject to the Illinois Vehicle Code (which is pretty much any passenger car driven on an Illinois road) must comply with that code, and cannot be parked on a city roadway if it doesn’t comply with that code.The city could ticket me even though my expired plates were out-of-state.However, as I compared the two sources, I noticed some differences.It’s Title 9, Chapter 76, Section 160 that deals with Registration plates. And in the unofficial source, there were five subsections: a, b, c, d, and f. (e was reserved). But in the official source, there were only two subsections: a and b. And a closer examination showed that subsections b, c, and d had been combined under subsection a, and subsection f had been reclassified as subsection b.I reviewed my ticket and noticed that the ticket specifically referred to the law that I violated as 976160f.But according to the official code provided by the city, there was no f! The violation that used to be under f (of which I was obviously guilty), had been reclassified under subsection b.I checked the rules for contesting a ticket, and found that a ticket could be contested if I wasn’t in violation of the specific code stated. I couldn’t have been in violation of the code stated because that code didn’t exist anymore!(By the way, after receiving the first ticket I went to the license branch and renewed my plates that night. However, if you go to the license branch they have to mail the sticker to you, even though the machine right outside their doors can print it right then. So the next day I returned to work, still with an expired sticker, and received another ticket!)But before I sent in my appeal, I wanted to know why the discrepancy existed in the two sources. I soon found the minutes from the November 16, 2016 Chicago City Council meeting and discovered that Section 160 had been amended at that meeting. The official source of the city code had been updated, but apparently the machine used by the Department of Revenue to write the ticket hadn’t been updated.(Incidentally, I think it’s quite revealing that it’s the Department of Revenue that writes traffic tickets, not the police, or a Department of Safety or something. No. Revenue.)I explained my case, provided the supporting documentation, and mailed my appeal. A few days later I checked online and my case was listed as “Hearing Scheduled.” It remained in that status for four months, until last week when the status changed to “Dismissed” and I received a letter explaining that I wasn’t responsible for the ticket because the violation was incorrectly noted on the ticket issued to me.I received that ticket a full seven months after the City Council amended the code. How many other people received parking tickets under Section 160 and paid them without checking to ensure they had been cited correctly?I’d love to know if the city has updated their machines to cite the correct subsection.A couple of months ago, near the end of the day, I went out and moved my car closer to my building. As I pulled up behind a car with Massachusetts plates, I noticed that they were expired. When I got out of my car I also saw that he had an orange envelope under his wiper.I ran into my office, copied all of the documentation I’d sent to contest my ticket, blacked out the identifying information, and wrote a quick note telling the person to check which subsection he was cited under, and to contest if it was incorrect.I don’t know if he did or not, but I’d like to think so.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

PREVIOUS POST: Did Dottie Hinson Drop the Ball on Purpose in A League of Their Own?IF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Rules Are For Fools So I Break Them

Did Dottie Hinson Drop the Ball on Purpose in A League of Their Own?

A few weeks back I realized that I’ve been remiss in a basic fatherhood duty: I haven’t introduced my kids to the great baseball movies. Over the summer we did watch The Bad News Bears, about which I’ve already written.But there are plenty of other gems in the baseball film canon. So this offseason we’ll fill the baseball-less days with fantastic film after fantastic film.Today we watched A League of Their Own. I went to see it at the theater with my dad and my two sisters when it came out, and I loved it. I’ve seen it a couple dozen times, but probably only once in fifteen years, if at all. So when I watched it with my youngest son and youngest daughter (the two most likely to be interested in such a film) I remembered most of it, but found new appreciation for some scenes.My son in particular was enthralled, both with the story and the games. My daughter liked it, too, although at one point she did try to cover her ears with tape so she didn’t have to listen to any of the “crappy music” playing in the scene where the team goes dancing at night.There are a few memorable scenes in the film. (There’s no crying. There’s no crying in baseball.) But one scene in particular is still up for debate a quarter century after the film’s release. (Stop reading here to avoid a spoiler of sorts.)Did she drop the ball on purpose?That’s the question that my son asked me shortly after the pivotal play. “She” referred to Dottie Hinson, of course, who’s played by Geena Davis. Dottie was the catcher, and her sister, Kit (Lori Petty)—who had just been traded to a different team due to tension between the two of them—had just collided with Dottie at the plate. Dottie caught the ball, and tagged Kit as she barreled through her, knocking Dottie onto her back, and then the ball rolled from her hand, onto the ground.Had Dottie hung onto the ball, Kit would have been out. The game—which just happened to be the seventh game of the World Series in the first season of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League—would have been tied at the end of nine innings. But when Dottie dropped it, Kit scored, and her team—the Racine Belles—won the Series.Without having watched the film, one wouldn’t understand the significance of whether Dottie dropped the ball on purpose or not.Throughout the film we see the difficulty of Dottie and Kit’s relationship. Dottie is the baseball superstar. When the league forms the scout wants Dottie to try out; he’s not even interested in Kit. But Kit talks her way into tying Dottie’s availability to hers, so they both move from Oregon to undertake professional baseball.Dottie’s been the superstar her whole life. She’s more athletic, more of a natural leader, prettier, and more level-headed. It’s obvious that Kit has been struggling to keep up her whole life. Her feistiness and determination—Dottie calls her a mule, she calls Dottie a nag—are serious assets though, and compared to any other play but Dottie she can hold her own.Near the end of the season Kit doesn’t think Dottie is supporting her enough (Kit’s a pitcher, Dottie’s a catcher), they get into a fight, Dottie threatens to quit, and in order to get her to stay, the league trades Kit to another team. Kit’s furious, as she sees this as just another sleight upon her in favor of Dottie, and the Series begins with Kit angry at Dottie, and Dottie quitting to return home with her husband, who just returned home from World War II.Then, with the game and the Series on the line, the events above happen.And we’re left with the question, Did Dottie drop the ball on purpose?Some signs point toward no. Dottie had just gone out to tell the pitcher how to get Kit out (High fastballs. “She can’t hit ‘em, and she can’t lay off of ‘em.”)Dottie has an intense competitive drive, apparent even in small moments like when she refuses to let Kit walk faster than her when they’re on the farm back in Oregon.And Dottie had also just put her team in the lead the previous half inning. If she had pity for Kit then, she could have just struck out when facing her, rather than lacing a two-out, two-run hit to put her team in the lead.Other signs point to yes. Dottie has a look of contented defeat as she watches Kit’s team celebrate from the dugout.After Kit was traded Dottie said she’d do whatever Kit wanted her to do to fix it, so she obviously felt bad.Earlier in the film Dottie had taken a similar hit and held on to the ball.So what’s the right answer? Did she drop the ball on purpose?I don’t know. I haven’t spent any time investigating. I don’t want to know the answer. I suspect that Penny Marshall, who directed the film, left it ambiguous on purpose. But if the “true” answer is out there, then it can stay out there.It’s enough for me that my son recognized the possibility that she dropped it on purpose. He understood the foundational conflict between the two main ballplayers in the film.I’ve always liked A League of Their Own, but after watching it again, I like it more than ever. It’s got so much heart in so many different ways. So many people are trying to prove themselves.All of the women want to prove that women’s baseball is exciting. Kit wants to prove she can keep up with Dottie. Dottie wants to prove that baseball isn’t that important to her, that’s it’s not something she needs, but rather just something she’s doing. Jimmy Dugan (Tom Hanks), the team’s manager, wants to prove he’s not just a hopeless drunk. Ira (David Strathairn) wants to prove he can make the league a success when the owners think it’s going to fail.By the time the critical play unfolds near the end, whether you think she dropped the ball on purpose or not, you’re right.Simply asking the question is enough.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

PREVIOUS POST: The 8 Best Things About the Cubs Losing in the PlayoffsIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Sharing a Night of Film Noir With My Ten-Year-Old Son

The 8 Best Things About the Cubs Losing in the Playoffs

Well, it turns out that I am not the center of the Cubs universe. Despite my positive attitude, gut feelings, and attempts to sway fate by sitting in the spot on the same couch as last postseason, the Cubs season has ended without a World Series championship.It sucks. I think it does suck a little less than in 2015 though, knowing that they just won last year.The absolute worst thing about this year’s loss is my son’s disappointment. He became a serious Cubs fan last year, and with a World Series championship, he’d never had to deal with this sort of disappointment before. I know it’ll build character, but it still sucks. What parent wouldn’t prefer to see his child happy rather than sad?But after the sting of a season-ending loss goes away, it’s apparent that there are some good things that go along with losing.Free time. I enjoy watching baseball, and postseason baseball is exciting. But by losing tonight, the Cubs have opened up nine evenings for me that might have otherwise been spent watching games. Sure, I could have skipped a game—I didn’t watch much of games three, four, or five of the World Series last year—but that’s not the same as knowing there’s no game to watch.And with most postseason games taking well over three hours to complete, the Cubs have essentially given me an entire free day. For a dude who’s been obsessed with time his entire life, that’s no small thing.No annoying, repetitious broadcasters. Seriously, if I had to listen to Brian Anderson talk about Justin Turner’s “historic” postseason numbers one more time I would have reached through the TV and ripped his larynx out.No World Series hangover next year. The Cubs started the year 43-45 this year. Even Joe Maddon admitted that they probably suffered a bit of a hangover from playing an additional month, and all of the offseason festivities that followed winning the World Series. Now they’re done a full two weeks earlier, and there’s no parade, appearances on The Tonight Show, or anything else to distract them from getting ready for next year.Last year’s World Series gear is still relevant. If they won the World Series again this year, then all of a sudden the 2016 World Series t-shirts and hats have to be updated with the 2017 version.Hunger. Not that winning the World Series would ever get old, but after winning one and then failing to make it back the next year, I’m sure players will arrive at spring training four months from now itching to get back to the World Series. Ever since I was a kid I’ve felt bad for the losing teams (except for the Mets and Cardinals; I never feel bad for them) in the postseason. No doubt Rizzo, Bryant and the rest will conclude that winning feels a whole lot better than losing and will be ready to go from day one next year.Better political tradeoffs. Last year the Cubs won the World Series and then six days later Donald Trump won the election. I had no idea that either the Cubs or Hillary Clinton had to lose. Had I known that we needed to make such a choice, of course I would have chosen to wait one more year for a World Series winner. But since the Cubs lost this year, perhaps there’s an impeachment forthcoming!Our lives are longer. I’m certain that being a Cubs fan takes years off of our lives. Especially when they’re in the postseason. I’m amazed there are any Cubs fans who are in their eighties. Just the stress of liking such a team should prevent a person from living that long.Remember game seven of the World Series last year? Remember game five against the Nationals this year? How many more two-inning Wade Davis saves can we take? Do I really want to tie my heart health to Carl Edwards Jr’s ability to locate his fastball? Last year’s stress continued through November 2. This year we’re off the hook on October 19. My heart likes Cubs losses.Only 107 years left. If the Cubs World Series wins are cyclical, then we’ve got a while before enjoying another. But we’re one year closer now!So that’s it. It’s over. It’s disappointing. Almost seven months of anticipation has led to nothing.But wait ‘til next year.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

PREVIOUS POST: I'm Learning to Hate the DodgersIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: I Won't Cry if the Cubs Lose, But if They Win...

I'm Learning to Hate the Dodgers

I tried not to hate. Really, I did.I made it through five games of the NLDS against the Nationals and managed not to hate them. I think part of that had to do with the fact that I still think of the Nationals as the Expos, and no one ever hated the Expos. (Except the citizens of Montreal, apparently.) It’s easy to not hate a team that never wins anything.Up to this point, I’ve been rather forgiving about the Dodgers. I haven’t forgotten that they swept the Cubs in the first round of the playoffs in 2008, but any animosity I had over that disappeared when the Cubs defeated them in the NLCS last year.It’s easy to not hate the vanquished.But in the first two games of this year’s NLCS, I’ve discovered a multitude of reasons to hate the Dodgers.Justin Turner. Even before he won game 2 with a towering homerun to centerfield in the bottom of the ninth inning, he had secured a place on my shit list.Never mind the fact that he miraculously became good when he came to L.A. after five abysmal seasons with the Mets and Orioles. I’ll also overlook his winning the last roster spot in this year’s all-star game over Kris Bryant.But I can’t get past the beard. Good lord someone show that guy how to use a razor or some scissors, or something. I know it’s not popular to judge people on their appearance, but I’m doing this for his own good. I guarantee he frightens young children with that thing. I’m an adult and I’m not certain that some carnivorous monster won’t emerge from that hirsute abomination if someone gets too close.And mark my words, sometime in the not-too-distant future, we’ll look back at beards like his the same way we look back at Billy Ray Cyrus’s haircut circa 1992.Yasiel Puig. If he was half as good as he thinks he is, he’d have five MVP awards by now. Nothing brought me more joy the first two games than watching him act like he hit the ball a country mile on two different occasions, only to have one ball barely clear the fence, and the other hit the bottom of the wall.He’s no superstar, that’s for sure. His personality and ego may say superstar, but his stats this year say Leon Durham, 1984, only not quite as good.Calm down, Yasiel. You make yourself look like a fool. And quit licking the bat. Pine tar kills. (I might have made that up, or it might be true. Or both.)Cody Bellinger and Corey Seager. Your names sound like you’re washed-up child stars from some horrendous Disney sitcom I watched with my kids five years ago. If I have to hear one more thing about the Dodgers having back-to-back rookies of the year I’m going to scream.Clayton Kershaw. He’s too good. This is only irritating because he’s not on the Cubs. After this series I’ll probably go back to not hating him. But for now, he’s persona non grata.Same with Kenley Jansen.Dave Roberts. Look, I understand we pretend like certain baseball managers are geniuses, and have some special ability to always make correct decisions, but let’s be honest, there’s so much damn data in baseball right now that a team could hire a kid to manage and still have a reasonable chance to win, given a talented roster.But anyone who thinks removing Kershaw from a playoff game in the fifth inning is a good idea is a damn fool. I don’t care how the game turns out. If Kershaw only pitches five innings in his next start, I like the Cubs’ chances. With the way Dave Roberts manages, all the Dodgers’ relievers’ arms will be falling off by then.Dodger Dogs. When the Cubs moved on to play the Dodgers, I thought it might be fun to order some Dodger Dogs to enjoy with my kids during game one. I was happy to see them for sale on Amazon…and then I saw the price. $46.95 for six hot dogs. Are you kidding me? Do they know what hot dogs are made from?So it turns out there’s plenty to dislike about the Dodgers. Their only hope for redemption is defeat.Luckily, I suspect that’s forthcoming.Cubs in seven.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

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