Perhaps it’s contradictory to the spirit of Thanksgiving, but every time I hear someone say “Happy Turkey Day!” I want to punch them in the gizzard.Newsflash: the name of the holiday is Thanksgiving, not Turkey Day. In fact, turkey wasn’t even the centerpiece of the meal at the first Thanksgiving, so cool it.Also, just for the record, I’m not really going to punch you in the gizzard if you call it Turkey Day. I’ll probably just send a scornful glance in your direction. And also for the record, I’m not entirely sure what a gizzard is, and whether humans have them. So if I was going to punch you, it may or may not have been in the gizzard, depending on where the gizzard is, and whether you have one to begin with it. Got it?Now, where was I? Oh, right. Turkey Day.The day isn’t Turkey Day. It’s Thanksgiving. I understand that turkey is the star of the show (and it’s a really big star—I mean we want it to be on our table so bad we take care of the turkey-sex part!), but we’re not celebrating the turkey.We’re celebrating Thanksgiving. It’s the one day of the year when we can all come together and show a little bit of gratitude for the greatness in our lives. Gratitude, remember that? Appreciating things you have. Taking a moment to sit back, relax, and think, “I’ve got a lot of good stuff in my life.”It’s great to be alive, and that’s what we’re celebrating on Thanksgiving. We’re alive, and we’ve got all of these awesome reasons to be happy about it.That’s much better than saying, “Turkey! It tastes good.”Besides, what kind of demented person celebrates an animal by eating it? (Although, as a side note, there are bison burgers available at the restaurant adjacent to the bison exhibit at Brookfield Zoo. That just seems wrong.)It’s a mystery to me how Happy Turkey Day ever got started. I mean Thanksgiving isn’t that difficult of a word to remember, and it actually has the same number of syllables as Turkey Day. So whomever the first numbskull was to actually say Happy Turkey Day must not have had anything to be thankful for.“Thanksgiving? I’m just here for the turkey!”I’m thankful I don’t have to spend Thanksgiving with that unappreciative ingrate. See, this Being Thankful thing is easy as pie. Everyone can think of one thing to be thankful for. Like family, friends, good health, time, memories, steak, chocolate, diamonds, money, sunshine, and Elvis Presley.To me, Thanksgiving is probably the most important holiday. I mean it really encompasses everything, including all of the other holidays. Sure we’ve set aside separate days to recognize certain things, but Thanksgiving provides a time for us to actually realize that we’re thankful for Jesus Christ, American Independence, trick-or-treating, a new year, and veterans, among other things.So let’s give the day its due, and refer to it as Thanksgiving instead of Turkey Day. We don’t assign nicknames to other holidays.Christmas isn’t Virgin Mary Had a Kid Day! Valentine’s Day isn’t Chocolate Day. Memorial Day isn’t Summer Kickoff Picnic Day. Even Labor Day retains its name, and most people don’t even think about Labor Day.(The Fourth of July breaks this rule, since the day is actually called Independence Day, but it doesn’t fit my argument here, so I’m going to pretend like it’s not even a thing, okay? Besides, the date’s wrong anyway. The Declaration of Independence was actually signed July 2, and not July 4, so there!)Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving and if you’re like other Americans you’ll eat some turkey. We eat sixteen pounds of the fowl every year, you know. I hope you enjoy the turkey. And the stuffing, and the cranberries, and the mashed potatoes and all the rest.But mostly I hope you take a moment to think about all you have to be thankful for. Because it’s great to be alive, and reflection upon that idea deserves its own day.And if you can’t think of anything else to be thankful for, just be thankful I’m not standing next to you, getting ready to punch you in the gizzard.+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Hey, did you like reading this? If so, you should Share it on Facebook so you can bring joy to others. You can also find tons of other posts by me here. And you can like my Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes. Please.
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