I wish the American Red Cross would quit calling me. They’re like that dude you were friends with twenty years ago just because he didn't have any other friends, but he still calls just to let you know he’s still around. “Oh, and by the way, if you’re not doing anything two weeks from Tuesday maybe you’d like to stop by!”No, American Red Cross, I would not like to stop by.It all began out of the kindness of my heart. Sort of like the friendship with that dude. I like to help people and when I found out that donating one pint of blood can help save three lives, I thought, “Hell yes, sign me up!”I mean who doesn’t want to help save some lives? As if giving life weren’t incentive enough, they also let me stuff my face with cookies and orange juice afterward so I don’t pass out. And then they give me a coupon for a free pint of ice cream.Are you serious? Can I give a pint of blood everyday?Unfortunately, no, I can’t. Apparently it takes eight weeks for the human body to replenish that pint of blood. So you have to wait eight weeks until you can donate again. At first I was sort of bummed about that. I wanted all-you-can-eat Nutter Butters again! Uh, I mean, I wanted to save three more lives.But soon it became clear that those eight weeks are more a period of blissful silence than anything else.The American Red Cross is smart, then relentless. They’re like patient lions watching a herd of zebra, just waiting for the right time to attack. They’re not going to waste their time calling you for those eight weeks because you’re no good to them. But as soon as eight weeks pass and you haven’t made an appointment to donate again, look out because your phone starts ringing off the hook!At first, I didn’t mind the calls. I’d talk to volunteer on the other end of the line, listen to what they had to say, try to find a donation appointment that fit my schedule. Inevitably, there aren’t any blood drives scheduled during hours that working people can actually attend. So I explain that I’ll check my schedule and call them back.Of course I never do, partly because I just never get around to it, but mostly because they don’t give me a chance! The phone rings the next day and another volunteer goes through the same spiel. “I just talked to someone about this yesterday. None of these times work for me.”“Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Baker. Call us when you find a time that will work.”Not even twenty-four hours later, I see American Red Cross on the caller ID again. These people really want my blood. It’s like Dracula’s running things over there.Thankfully caller ID exists, so now I’ve reached the point that whenever I see American Red Cross calling I just endure four rings and then I don’t have to worry about it for another day.Things have really been getting out of hand lately, though. A few months back my do-gooder spirit transferred to my wife and daughter, and they gave blood. Since they haven’t made another donation appointment, the Red Cross is calling them as well. The lion has a couple more zebras.The Red Cross is a phenomenal organization, and they do a great job of helping people in need, but right now they can be most helpful by leaving me the hell alone!Look, I know that it’s more likely that I’ll actually make an appointment to donate blood if they call and badger me about it. But I also know that when it comes to donating blood, appointments mean nothing. You don’t get in and out of the donation center any faster than you do if you just walk in without an appointment.And if I don’t make an appointment I don’t have to worry about breaking the appointment and feel like I let anybody down.At some point I’ll go back in and donate more blood and eat more cookies. And although I’ll be super-psyched about saving three more lives, I might be even more psyched about the eight weeks of Red Cross phone silence.That will be bloody fantastic!UPDATE 11/24/14: I began working on this post about six weeks ago. After it went live my wife said, "I told them back in October not to call us anymore, that we'd call them, and they haven't called since." Then I thought about it, and my wife was right. I hadn't received any calls from the Red Cross in about four weeks. And then, a nice woman from the Red Cross e-mailed me this afternoon to apologize for the abundance of phone calls, and said she'd add me to their Do Not Call list. So apparently someone at the Red Cross saw this post.I'm impressed! It's that kind of lightning-quick response time that makes the Red Cross so effective. In fact, I'm so impressed that I'll be donating blood on December 2, during the blood drive at the community center near my house. Well done Red Cross!+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++I don't want to have to call and pester you, so you better Like my Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes. Please.
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