Thanks for nothing, Harvard. I was counting on you and you let me down. I had big things in store for you. After beating North Carolina you were going to win a couple of more games and even take down the number one seed in your region, Wisconsin. Instead, you lost. Losers.Sure you fought the good fight after being down big to North Carolina. You fought back and almost pulled it out. But guess who cares about that? Nobody! Fighting the good fight doesn’t help my bracket. You winning the damn basketball game helps my bracket.
How did you lose, anyway? Especially against North Carolina. Sure, as a four seed they were favored against you and your thirteen seed, but come on, it’s North Carolina. Apparently, they’ve got a bunch of knuckle-dragging mental lightweights who can’t even be bothered to pretend to be students. They’re dumb. And you’re Harvard! But you still let the dummies beat you.Believe me, I know things are tough for you since you don’t offer athletic scholarships (we wouldn’t want to taint the endless pursuit of knowledge with any physical competition, would we?), but if you’re good enough to hang with North Carolina, then shouldn’t your superior intellect push you over the top?And by the way, your team name is Crimson. News flash: Crimson isn’t a nickname, it’s an elitist way of saying red. Get a new name. Something like Harvard Killers, or Conquerors, or Madmen. People already think you’re weak because you’re Ivy league. Having Crimson as your nickname isn’t helping your case.Let me part with one observation, Harvard: Yale would have won. Not only are they tougher than you (they’re the Bulldogs!), I bet they’re smarter, too.I’ve got plenty of animosity to go around, so don’t think you’re getting off easy, Baylor. I should have known better than to count on a school from Texas. If we let Texas secede, then Baylor can’t be in the NCAA, right? Two birds, one stone.Holy crap, I just discovered that Baylor’s president is Kenneth Starr! The guy from the Bill Clinton/ Monica Lewinsky/ Whitewater investigation. No wonder they screwed up their game against Georgia State.I’ve learned my lesson, Baylor. I’ll never choose you to win another game, much less make it to the championship game. You can’t be trusted. And as much as Harvard makes me angry, you just hurt me. I was feeling so smug after fourteenth-seeded UAB beat third-seeded Iowa State just as I predicted. And then you go and blow it.I hope you cried all the way back to Waco.Hey Georgetown, you’ve been upset in the first round three of the past four times you’ve been in the NCAA tournament, but not this year. I suspect it’s because I picked you to be upset, so naturally you won. It might also be that one school can’t continue to choke so colossally year after year.Whatever the case, you screwed me. I hope Utah destroys you in the next round and converts you to Mormonism. Unless you’re already Mormon. Then I hope they treat you like Mormons treat fundamentalist Mormons. Bad things, Georgetown. Bad things.Speaking of religion, I’ve got some things to say to you also, Southern Methodist University. You let a sucky UCLA team beat you. How the hell did that happen? I’d think having a coach older than dirt would have helped you. It helped UCLA with John Wooden all those years.How’d Larry Brown even end up coaching at SMU? Oh, that’s right, he’s already coached every other team in the country. Brown’s coaching resume: Denver Nuggets, UCLA, New Jersey Nets, University of Kansas, Spurs, Clippers, Pacers, 76ers, Pistons, Knicks and Bobcats. He’s done a good job at SMU, I guess, but not good enough to keep him off my shit list.Wofford. Small school. You’re on the list, too. I’d never heard of you before, but from now on you’ll just be remembered as the school that lost to Arkansas just to piss me off.And now for you, Kentucky. I picked you to win yesterday, but not because I wanted to. Nobody likes you. Ashley Judd and Jim Beam are the only people rooting for you. To everyone else you’re the Evil Empire and we’re all just waiting for you to fall. And we’ll dance in the streets when it happens.Oh, and just for the record, I wouldn’t trust your coach, John Calipari, to clean up after my dog. That guy’s more crooked than Harrison Ford’s nose.(Sigh) I feel better.Let day two begin.PREVIOUS POST: Why Your Neighbor's House is Cleaner than YoursIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Why We Should Run Everywhere, All the Time+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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