Why You Should Care About the Gerrymandering Case in Front of the Supreme Court

In recent years we’ve been stuck with so much dysfunction between Congress and the president, and within Congress itself that it’s easy to forget that one part of government still functions as designed.Whether you agree or disagree with their decisions, at least the Supreme Court works. Every year they hear a number of cases, research past cases, discuss among themselves, vote, and then issue often-lengthy, mostly-well-reasoned opinions that decide the case.Sometimes they get it right (validating the individual mandate in the Affordable Care Act), and sometimes they get it wrong (Bush v. Gore). Often their decisions have far-reaching consequences for the country, such as when they opened the floodgates for endless spending in political campaigns in the Citizens United case.Last week the Court heard a case that might seem rather dry and uninteresting, but could have profound effects on the country. It could affect every single law passed by Congress, from Obamacare repeal, to tax reform, to gun violence prevention laws, to anything else you can imagine.It involves gerrymandering.That’s one of my favorite political words. Although you might think of it as a relic of the past, like those other unique words you learned in your high school history class, such as Scalawags, muckrakers, and carpetbaggers, gerrymandering still happens today, and our country is the way it is in part because of how it has been gerrymandered.The term Gerrymander came about in the early 1800s when Massachusetts governor Elbridge Gerry signed a bill that redistricted the state senate districts in nonsensical patterns so that his party ended up with an advantage in elections. One of the more ridiculous districts looked like a salamander, so opponents combined Gerry and salamander and came up with gerrymander, and the name stuck.Sometimes it’s easier to see in a picture though.Imagine a square state with one hundred people living in it. It might look like this.

There are 55 blue voters, and 45 red voters. Those 100 people need to be divided into 10 Congressional districts.This is one way to do it:Notice that there are 10 districts of 10 people each, and when each of those districts vote we should expect the blue candidate to win 6 seats (60%), and the red candidate to win 4 seats (40%).

Now, let’s take a look at a gerrymandered district map.Here there are also 10 districts of 10 people each, but because the red politicians got to design the boundaries of the district, they did so in such a way so they will win 7 seats (70%) - despite having only 45% of the voters - and the blue politicians will win 3 seats (30%) - despite having 55% of the voters.This is a simplified example, but it’s very similar to what happened in the state of Wisconsin.Redistricting of state legislative and congressional districts is done every ten years. In 2010, thanks to backlash against Obamacare, Republicans won control of the Wisconsin state legislature, and for the first time in 40 years controlled redistricting in the state.They used high-speed computer technology, mapping science, and voter data to create legislative districts that they knew would help ensure a Republican majority in the legislature. The next election proved them right.Here are the state legislative electoral results for Wisconsin under the old plan:2008: Democrats won 55% of the vote and got 53% of the seats.2010: Republicans won 56% of the vote and got 61% of the seats.So the districts were already slightly unfair in favor of the Republicans, but given the chance to draw new boundaries themselves, Republicans capitalized.The new map, drawn by Republicans, produced the following results:2012: Republicans won 47% of the vote and got 61% of the seats.Republicans have increased their gains in the two elections since.The question before the Court is how unfair can politicians make these districts, and what standard can be used to determine whether a map is unfair?It’s rather clear in this instance that the Republican-controlled legislature manipulated the districts to create a situation where minority rules. Republicans won fewer votes, yet they held a great many more seats.This shouldn’t be surprising though. Republicans win elections when they can limit the number of people who vote, or when systems are designed in such a way that majority doesn’t rule.Both parties have been guilty of gerrymandering in the past, but Republicans are well aware that if districts were drawn fairly, if all eligible voters were permitted to vote, and if the person who got more votes won, that they’d lose most elections.Republicans have lost the popular vote in five of the last six presidential elections.They continue to push voter ID laws even though they couldn’t find a single instance of voter fraud that would have been prevented by the voter ID law when arguing a case before the Supreme Court.Their party leader claims that three million people voted illegally in the last election, yet has provided zero evidence to back up the claim, after promising to do so.Republicans have a vested interest in making sure the party in charge isn’t necessarily the party who received the most votes.So after the 2012 election, even though the majority of Wisconsin voters voted against Republicans, Republicans ran the state.And it’s not just a problem in Wisconsin. After the 2012 elections, Republicans held a 33-seat advantage in the U.S. House of Representatives, yet the Democrats actually received more votes in House races!Gerrymandering helps ensure that one party doesn’t have to win a majority of votes to become the party in power. It lets politicians choose their voters rather than letting voters choose their politicians. Hopefully the Supreme Court will understand how antithetical such a concept is to the Constitution and strike down the Wisconsin district map.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

PREVIOUS POST: Seeing Pictures of Mass Shooting Victims Would Force Our Leaders to ActIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: The Electoral College is Voter Fraud, American Style

Seeing Pictures of Mass Shooting Victims Would Force Our Leaders to Act

When a mass shooting happens in this country there are a variety of responses. Many of them are predictable. If you’re reading this you probably know what they are, so I don’t have to run through them.Many people get upset and demand change. The people we have elected to run our country then choose to do nothing. Some people get angry about the inaction, some support the inaction, and many more just become indifferent.Time heals all wounds they say.Luckily we have 300 million guns in this country that tear into flesh and create new physical wounds, and tear into our psyche to create new mental wounds.I’ve often thought, “This will be enough to force our leaders to act and create change in this country.”Killing twelve high school students is enough to force our leaders to act, isn’t it?Killing thirty-two college students is enough to force our leaders to act, isn’t it?Killing twenty first-graders is enough to force our leaders to act, isn’t it?Killing fifty-eight people at a concert is enough to force our leaders to act, isn’t it?Of course—thus far—the answer to all of those questions is no.So what will be enough to force our leaders to act?Pictures.I get choked up every time I think about the kids at Sandy Hook. At the time I had a son a year younger than those kids and a son a year older than those kids. My daughter is in first grade today.When I think about those kids at Sandy Hook, I think about my kids. I identify with them. I mourn them. I think about what terror they must have felt. I’m an adult and it’s horrific to just think about it. They were kids and they lived it.Sometimes I’ll see pictures of those kids. Their smiling faces or mischievous looks. And I’ll just stare at them for a minute. So cute. So innocent. So alive.And then sometimes I remember that that’s not what they look like anymore. That’s what they looked like before they went to school that day. But that’s not what they looked like when the first responders arrived. It’s not what they looked like when the funeral director had talk to their parents about whether they would be viewed.What if we saw what they looked like? What if President Obama, instead of reading each child’s name at the memorial service for the children held up a picture of how they were found in that school? And what if we forced ourselves to look?Could any of us look at those pictures and conclude that there’s nothing we can do? Could we defend the right of anyone to have access to weapons that can cause such devastation on such a scale?Displaying pictures of victims may never happen. I can’t imagine how traumatic it would be for their families. And I certainly wouldn’t want my kids to see those pictures.But if every adult in America saw those pictures, including members of Congress, we would solve the problem.None of us would want to look. It would be horrible. It would be life-changing. It would be scarring. But it would break through this wall of desensitization that each of us can erect when victims are reported as numbers. Even if we hear their life stories, we don’t know them. We don’t feel the loss the way their families feel the loss. As upset as I get about those kids at Sandy Hook, I can’t even compare what I feel to what their parents feel.As a nation we have decided that the Second Amendment is worth 34,000 lives a year. That’s just a number. 58 is just a number. Even twenty first-graders is just a number. It’s easy to say that the Second Amendment is worth a number of lives. But is the Second Amendment worth what actually happened to those kids? If the answer is yes, then we should demand of ourselves that we see what actually happened to them.Some will say this idea is exploitative, and plays on people’s emotions. I’m sure those people will recognize such a tactic, as it’s one employed by gun rights folks every time they say they need a gun to protect themselves from some mystery assailant, or a government that’s coming after them.I’m surprised that we haven’t seen pictures like this yet. We live in a “reality” show culture where few things remain private. There are leaks throughout every level of government. That these sorts of pictures haven’t been widely shared across the internet is almost unbelievable.Maybe it will never happen, but if it does, then our leaders will have no choice but to act.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

PREVIOUS POST: Let's Stop Pretending We're Going to Do Something about Gun Violence in this CountryIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: True Horror of Gun Violence in Russian Ambassador Assassination Photos

Let's Stop Pretending We're Going to Do Something about Gun Violence in this Country

We won’t do anything. Let’s not pretend like we will.Thousands of people went to a country music concert and because some mad man had a small arsenal in his hotel room, more than 50 of those people are dead, 400 are injured.We all feel horrible. Is there any other way to feel when innocent life is extinguished? Part of what we’re feeling is because we can put ourselves in those people’s shoes. They weren’t doing anything remarkable or dangerous or crazy. They went to a concert. My daughter went to see Luke Bryan a couple of weeks ago. She was in a crowd just like this.Social media overflows with people praying for Vegas, and commending first responders, and talking about their breaking hearts.Politicians will give somber speeches in which they quote scripture. Bloggers like me will write yet another post about how something needs to change, about how we can do better.Hundreds of reporters and law enforcement will scour the internet and public records in an effort to find out more information about the mad man. His family will express their disbelief.We’ll all search for humanity in an act that’s most inhumane.But soon another story will come along and we’ll forget.We’ll forget our reactions when we first saw the news. We’ll forget the sheer shock at the sound of gunfire in those videos. An intermittent barrage. A furious chain of pops that reminded me of lighting an entire package of Black Cat firecrackers.We’ll forget our anger. We’ll forget our frustration. We’ll forget our logical disbelief that this country can’t do any better when it comes to guns.The NRA knows this. Our politicians know this. All they have to do is wait. They can release a statement today in which they mourn the dead, send their thoughts and prayers, and thank first responders. Most statements won’t mention trying to solve the problem. They know they can just wait for it to go away.Until it comes back. It always comes back.And for those people who don’t forget—those who advocate for stricter gun laws, not just after a mass shooting, but all the time—gun lovers have a litany of reasons why we can’t fix the problem.Banning guns won’t keep criminals from getting them.Guns aren’t the problem, mental illness is the problem.Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.The Second Amendment!So we just go on with our lives, and hope that we’re not unlucky enough to choose the wrong concert, or the wrong nightclub, or the wrong movie theater, or, God forbid, the wrong school.We take our chances and accept the incompetent impotence of leaders whose main concern is keeping their job. Instead of standing up and putting themselves on the line—and not in a real way, not in the way that the police who responded to the shooter put themselves on the line—to do what is right, to show the sort of courage that we used to expect from our leaders, they engage in the ancient art of covering their ass.Democratic Senators from conservative states take the easy way out and vote against any bill that opposes anything short of letting any lunatic carry any gun at any place for any reason. Senators like Joe Donnelly from Indiana and Heidi Heitkamp from Montana, Max Baucus from Montana, Mark Pryor from Arkansas, and Mark Begich from Alaska should have trouble sleeping at night. Their inability to stand and cast a difficult vote that might imperil their own political future is shameful.Long ago, in a country different from ours politically, sexually, racially, culturally, and ethnically, a group of men decided that the right of a militia to bear arms shouldn’t be infringed. And in so doing they handcuffed this country. Those of us who don’t want to get shot, who don’t want others to get shot, are at a perpetual disadvantage.Our leaders can talk all they want about unity, and coming together, and a light shining in darkness, but their words are hollow.This country has decided that the right to bear arms is worth 34,000 human lives every year. When 3,000 people died on 9/11, we changed laws, consolidated government agencies, broke down protective barriers between law enforcement and intelligence, and spent trillions of dollars waging war.We have eleven 9/11’s every year due to guns, and we do nothing.We can proclaim ourselves the greatest country in the world. We can say that we’re Making America Great Again. But we’re not going to do anything about the gun problem in this country.Let’s stop pretending we will.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

PREVIOUS POST: A Fifth Grade Spelling Bee is High DramaIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Serious Questions For Those Who Oppose Gun Laws

A Fifth Grade Spelling Bee is High Drama

Few situations require a more unique display of knowledge than a spelling bee. I can’t think of many other instances where someone stands in front of a crowd and essentially says, “Here’s what I know.”Jeopardy has somewhat the same vibe, but if a contestant misses a question they can make up for it by answering the next one right. Mess up in a spelling bee and you’re out.Trivia nights have become popular in bars over the past decade or so, but that’s low-stress, and most people are amazed that anyone knows the answers. Alcohol helps, too.But nothing else combines drama with the display of knowledge like a spelling bee.My fifth grade son took part in the spelling bee at his elementary school this morning. He and eight other kids from his grade sat in chairs at the front of a common area, while the entire fourth and fifth grade sat on the carpet in front of them, and a couple dozen parents sat on chairs in the back.This was the culmination of weeks spent studying a list of 750 words. The kids practiced at lunch and after school. My son sat for hours as his mother and I quizzed him. He spelled words he’d memorized long ago, and learned to spell new words he’d never seen before.It’s easy to forget how tense a spelling bee can become.My son’s teacher introduced all nine kids, and then they had a practice round. All nine kids got their words right. My son spelled level and seemed happy to have the first one out of the way.Then the bee began.The first girl stood up and spelled a word that seemed appropriate for the first round. Then the second girl stood up and her word was clarinet. Many of you who just read that sentence probably have never tried to spell the word clarinet, especially not with 100 people looking at you.My son was up next. Knife. He took a deep breath, and rattled off all five letters, and turned to walk back to his seat. He knew he nailed it.We exhaled. I hadn’t even realized that I’d been holding my breath.I don’t remember the rest of the words that round, but nothing seemed as difficult as clarinet.In the second round, the first girl started to spell, paused after a couple of letters, and then continued to say letters as she made her way through the word. When she finished, the judge said, “Correct,” and there was an audible exhale from the fourth and fifth graders watching.The engagement of the other students is what surprised me most about the bee. When a speller was given a difficult word the students gasped, as if to say, “Uh-oh, will she know how to spell that?” When a speller missed a word the others groaned in disappointment. And at the end of each round they exploded into applause for the spellers who were eliminated, as well as those who continued into the next round.A spelling bee is just a constant build up and release of tension. I expected the parents in the audience to feel this, but the kids who were watching their fellow students experienced it as well. If a speller paused in the middle of the word, and then found his way through without a mistake, everyone in the room exhaled like a fan watching game seven of the World Series.Spelling is difficult. Spelling aloud in front of a crowd is difficult and intimidating. These kids did great.The girl who won, did so by spelling the word temperamental. How many of you could spell that word aloud without making a mistake?One kid was eliminated on chauffeur. (I just spelled it chauffer, googled it, and found out that I wrote the French word for heat.) A kid transposed the e and the i in chief. Another kid missed marinara, forgetting a syllable in the same way that I did when I spelled incapable as incaple back in fourth grade. Another kid misspelled preposition, which also eliminated a kid when my older son participated in the bee a couple of years ago.With a list of 750 words, most words we practiced weren’t used. Like queue. Why is that pronounced Q? That’s a whole lot of extra letters. Or words that are phrases: butyl alcohol, lily of the valley, and oyster cracker. Some other charmers: kookaburra, hellgrammite, and glockenspiel.After watching how those kids performed in an atypical, uncomfortable, high-stress situation, I’m reminded of a different word: impressed.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

PREVIOUS POST: My Childhood Obsession With Wrestling was Short-LivedIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: When Did Ketchup Defeat Catsup?

My Childhood Obsession With Wrestling was Short-Lived

Sometime in late 1987 I became obsessed with professional wrestling. I can’t remember the exact date, but I know that by early 1988 I was all-in. I was a chubby nine-year-old kid who believed wrestling was real, and that Hulk Hogan got those muscles by training, saying his prayers, and taking his vitamins.I was a hardcore Hulkamaniac.Back then the WWF had a show on the USA Network on Monday nights, a Thursday night show, and then Saturday and Sunday morning shows. I never missed an episode.The WWF’s counterpart, the NWA, was based out of Atlanta, and it had a show that aired every Saturday night at 5:05 on TBS, and a Sunday morning show that got me out of bed before everyone else in the house. I recall like it was yesterday Tommy Rich dominating Ric Flair in a championship match before Flair pulled a victory out of nowhere. I was so frustrated I punched the floor and started crying.I hated Ric Flair.My dad helped feed my wrestling addiction. Of course he knew it was fake, but he tolerated it because I liked it so much. I think he enjoyed the pure entertainment of it, but I’m sure he never watched a second of wrestling when I wasn’t around.Soon after I became obsessed with wrestling, my dad suggested that we try to get tickets to the Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant match at Market Square Arena in Indianapolis. The match was only days away and I’d been talking about it for weeks. He called Ticketmaster and they only had single seats remaining, so he bought a ticket for me, and a ticket for himself, ten seats away in the row behind me.He picked up me early from school the afternoon of Friday, February 5, 1988 and I could not have been more excited. We drove down I-65 and talked about the scheduled matches, and who we thought we would win. We listened as a radio DJ fielded calls from listeners who speculated about the tribal lyrics at the end of Pump up the Volume by M.A.R.R.S.We found our seats and settled in for a night of wrestling fun. Since he sat in the row behind me, and I was just nine-years-old, I didn’t say a word the entire night. Hulk Hogan lost his championship in a match that ended in equal parts confusion and controversy.And I was hooked.My VCR got a workout for the next few years as I put tape after tape into it to record weekly shows and pay-per-view events. I became obsessed with calling the wrestling hotline to find out the results of matches from the night before. That’s how I found out that Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat beat Ric Flair for the NWA world championship on February 20, 1989. To this day when I hear about the UIC Pavilion, I think of that match, which took place there.I memorized speeches, such as this Ric Flair post-match classic from 1989--which, I just watched, and recited word-for-word (some things stay with us).The match in Indianapolis was just the beginning of my dad’s willingness to take me to see wrestling. We went to events at Valparaiso University, where I saw a wrestler close-up for the first time. He was a cartoonish guy called RepoMan, but he was so creepy he really freaked me out. And I touched the biceps of a wrestler name Warlord and thought it felt like steel.We went to the International Ampitheatre in Chicago and watched Wrestlemania IV on closed-circuit television. It took place from Trump Plaza in New Jersey. I didn’t find out until earlier this year that Trump Plaza didn’t exist. It was actually just the Atlantic City Convention Hall, which they called Trump Plaza because the story line involved Donald Trump as the host of the event.(Shocking that Trump would be involved in something fake that is portrayed as real, isn’t it?)I continued watching wrestling every week, attending events at Rosemont Horizon and the Hammond Civic Center. I jumped off of furniture in the living room and perfected Macho Man’s flying elbow, and Flair’s figure four leg lock, and Leg Luger’s human torture rack.I even attended Wrestlemania VIII at the Hoosier Dome in Indianapolis, and then listened to a wrestling talk show on the drive back that aired on WSB radio in Atlanta. That was April 1992.And then, just as suddenly as it came, my wrestling obsession disappeared. I don’t remember when it disappeared, but it had to be 1992, because looking at the card for Wrestlemania IX the next year none if it seems familiar. Even SummerSlam, the August pay-per-view seems unfamiliar in 1992, so it seems as if Wrestlemania VIII was the beginning of the end for me.That was twenty-seven years ago, and I haven’t watched more than a few minutes of wrestling that has taken place since then. Every once in a while I’ll watch old YouTube videos of matches I’ve already seen. The morbid part of me researches which wrestlers from my childhood have died. There are a lot of them.Even though I gave up on, or out grew, or lost interest in wrestling, I still look back at those years of my obsession with great joy. The characters and matches and spectacle were fantastic. And the time spent with my dad was even better.But I’m still left with one nagging question that has never been answered: Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you?This post was written as part of ChicagoNow's monthly writing exercise in which we are challenged to write and publish a blog post in one hour. This month's topic was “Write about something in your life you once obsessed about but now rarely, if ever, think about”Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

PREVIOUS POST: America Has Fought Wars for Those Who Kneel, Not for the FlagIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: The 939 Saturdays of Childhood

America Has Fought Wars for Those Who Kneel, Not for the Flag

Imagine a scene where 70,000 people come together in the same space. A song starts to play, and everyone in the crowd stands at attention and looks in the same direction. Some people sing along, others remain silent, but everyone is reverent.Except for one person. One person chooses to kneel in silent protest. He says nothing. He makes no other gesture. He simply kneels.Now imagine that instead of the scene above taking place at an NFL stadium in America, the scene takes place in a stadium in North Korea.You’ll have to imagine that happening because the scene that I described above couldn’t happen in North Korea. If it did, I suspect the kneeler would be killed.The right for that person to kneel, or to peacefully protest in any other way that he or she sees fit, is why this nation has fought wars.If we could go back and ask each and every soldier who came ashore in Normandy on D-Day why they were fighting, I suspect we’d get a wide array of answers. No doubt the most common answer would be to defend our country, to maintain our freedom, or protect those who cannot protect themselves.I doubt anyone would say they served to defend the flag or the national anthem. The flag and the national anthem are symbols, they hold absolutely no intrinsic meaning. We assign meaning to them. In fact, “The Star-Spangled Banner” was just a patriotic song until we made it the national anthem in 1931.(Side note: Congressman John Linthicum introduced the bill to Congress that made “The Star-Spangled Banner” the national anthem. It failed the first five times he introduced it, beginning in 1919. It passed the sixth time, while the country was in the Great Depression and looking for anything positive. Why did Linthicum care about the song so much? Because he represented the Congressional district in Maryland where Fort McHenry—the bombardment of which inspired Francis Scott Key to write the song—is located. Perhaps “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee” would be the national anthem if the congressman who represented Andover, Massachusetts—where that song was written—was more of a self-promoter.)If we want to proclaim that we’re the greatest country on earth, then we need to fight for things that are more important than a flag or a song. And we need to realize that the flag and the song are only important because of the country that they represent.Part of the reason that our country is worth fighting for is because we permit people to protest. If we don’t like something about our country then it’s our duty and our right to protest. It’s a right secured by the First Amendment to the Constitution. And despite the arguments put forth by the gun-fetishizers among us, the First Amendment is just as important (I’d argue more important) to securing our freedoms than the Second Amendment.However, regardless of arguments about the right to protest, the fact that some in this country—shamefully led over the weekend by the President of the United States—have tried to portray kneeling as a protest against the flag, or the national anthem, or the military, only reinforces the argument about the need for the protest.Kneeling for the national anthem was intended to bring attention to the fact that innocent black men are being shot by the police. Arguing that someone should shut up and be thankful that he lives in a country where he can make millions of dollars playing a game implies that the two ideas are mutually exclusive. Either you can succeed at your chosen career, and reap the benefits of living in America, or you can advocate on behalf of those for whom equal justice under law are still just words on the Supreme Court building. You can’t do both.But that’s not what America is. That’s not what millions of men and women braver than me have put their lives on the line to defend. Just as they haven’t put their lives on the line to defend a flag or a song.I understand that the flag and the song have meaning. I understand that people feel passionately about them. They’re symbols of our country. But staging a protest during the national anthem is different than protesting the national anthem.If you want to live in a country where everyone stands in unquestioning reverence for a symbol, then North Korea is your country.But if you want to live in a country where millions of men and women have fought and died not for a symbol, but rather for the unalienable rights granted to all citizens—and not just for those with whom they agree—then the United States of America is the right country for you.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

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If Kim Jong Un is Rocket Man, What Songs Apply to Trump?

The president addressed the United Nations yesterday, and to no one’s surprise he often sounded more like Bruce Willis’s character from Die Hard than the actual leader of the free world. The only thing missing was “Yippee Ki-yay Motherfucker” as he disposed of the bad guy.His speech included a reference to Kim Jong Un as Rocket Man. I don’t know if Trump’s an Elton John fan (that’s a weird combo), but anyone with ears would recognize Rocket Man as one of his tunes.So if Trump thinks that the North Korean little man is Rocket Man, then what songs should we identify with Trump?I have a few suggestions.Let’s start with “You’re the Best Around” by Joe Esposito, from the Karate Kid soundtrack.Just kidding! I’m not that type of person and this isn’t that type of blog.Let’s go a different route.First up: “Sympathy for the Devil” by the Rolling Stones. I suspect he’s the devil, but truth be told, I have no sympathy for him. What are the most apropos lyrics from the song?He’s a man of wealth and taste? Nah, gold-plated everything disproves that. He rode a tank, held a general’s rank? Nah, he wimped out and avoided combat. Instead, how about this: I stuck around St. Petersburg/ When I saw it was a time for a change.St. Petersburg. As in Russia. Apropos.“Loser” by Beck. Do I even have to explain this? Yes? All right. Soy un perdedor/ I’m a loser baby (I’m intentionally leaving out the next line.) But really, have we ever had a bigger loser as a president?Predator soundtrack. I’m not familiar with this music at all, but if you have any doubt as to whether it’s appropriate for me to include it here, try asking one of the contestants in the Miss USA pageants in the years that Trump owned them, or any of the other women who Trump think it’s okay to grab by the p***y.“Creep” by Radiohead. While writing this post I thought of “Loser” and it seemed that no single-word title could sum up Trump better than that song. And then I remembered this 90s classic. (Which, by the way, is just about the only Radiohead song I can do. Yes, I know, they’re geniuses, they’re artists, blah, blah, blah. No thanks.)Pertinent lyrics: I’m a creep/ I’m a weirdo/ What the hell am I doing here?/ I don’t belong here.“I Fought the Law and the Law Won” by The Bobby Fuller Four. This song is still wishful thinking on my part. The (grand) jury’s still out on this, but I don’t think anyone will be surprised when Robert Mueller reveals what he’s found during his investigation, and it turns out that everything that Trump said wasn’t true about Russia’s influence on our election actually was true.The Clash did this song, too, but I like the original better. The title provides the pertinent lyrics.“God’s Gonna Cut You Down” by Johnny Cash. There are many recordings of this folk classic, but Johnny Cash’s version is especially haunting. And if you haven’t watched the video for it, you should do so.Trump claims to be religious, but anyone who thinks his claim isn’t just a way to appeal to his base but a genuine belief is a fool. He’s an entertainer. A snake oil salesman. He knows what his supporters like, so he becomes that.Pertinent lyrics from this song: You can run on for a long time/ Run on for a long time/ Run on for a long time/ Sooner or later God'll cut you down/ Sooner or later God’ll cut you downAlthough I can associate these songs with Trump, there’s only one song that actually is associated with him right now: Hail to the Chief. And as much as I hate to say it, one line from the little-known lyrics to the song actually are Trump-esque: Yours is the aim to make this grand country grander.However, the very next line makes it clear that the song doesn’t apply to Trump: This you will do, that is our strong, firm belief.Now, where do I find songs about impeachment?Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

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National Hug Your Boss Day is a Horrible Idea

I like celebrations. Whenever an interesting “National Something Day” arises, we try to do a little something to celebrate the day. Monday is National Cheeseburger Day, so cheeseburgers for dinner. (Not to be confused with National Double Cheeseburger Day, which is also today.)There’s always some National Day celebration, and even if it’s just silliness, or a way to promote a particular product, it’s fun to take part. Not that I’m saving my ice cream cone consumption for National Ice Cream Cone Day (September 22).The silly innocence of the celebration is part of the experience. And it’s the usual innocence associated with these days that makes me wonder who the hell thought National Hug Your Boss Day was a good idea.Yes, today, September 15, is National Hug Your Boss Day. Why would someone design such a day? Was National Take a Bath With Your Toaster Day already taken? On the list of bad ideas, those two days are neck-and-neck.A little research reveals that a website called tiptopjob.com came up with the idea for National Hug Your Boss Day. They hope to “actively promote healthy working relationships.” Because nothing says “healthy working relationships” like hugging your boss.Perhaps this is Tiptopjob’s way of getting more job postings on their website. When employees are fired for hugging a boss who doesn’t want to be hugged, or a boss is fired by a bigger boss for hugging an employee who doesn’t want to be hugged, then they can post these available jobs on tiptopjob.com. Solid plan.There are only a few outcomes from hugging your boss. Most of them aren’t good.Best-case scenario is that you tell your boss that it’s National Hug Your Boss Day, your boss appreciates your eccentricity, gives you a hug, and keeps you in mind for the next promotion because you think outside the box.That scenario will not happen.Next-best-case scenario is that your boss looks at you askance, deems you idiotic, but harmless, and continues with his or her day, with one eye looking back, just to be sure that you’re not stupid enough to try an ambush hug.That scenario is the most-likely not-negative scenario.Another possibility is that your boss considers your hug offer, decides that you have horrendous judgment and a complete inability to recognize boundaries, and that you’ve gone about as far as you can go with the company. In fact, perhaps you’ve gone a little too far. If HR can find a suitable replacement on tiptopjob.com, you can expect a demotion.Don’t complain. You should have known better.An even worse possibility is that your boss is sensitive to work place impropriety, and feels your suggestion of an embrace is inconsistent with established workplace values, and fires you on the spot. “But I just wanted to give you a hug,” you’ll say.“Do I look like I wanted a hug from you?” your boss will ask. And then the ridiculousness of your actions will become clear. As you clean out your desk, you wonder if there’s anyone there who will give you a hug, because you sure need one.The worst scenario occurs if your boss is receptive to your hug. Perhaps he’s too receptive. He infers unintended meaning from your hug. If he’s the right kind of creep (for instance, if he’s the guy who owns the Miss USA pageant, and you’re a contestant) then things become uncomfortable for you. From there it can go in a thousand directions, none of them good.Thousands of people have to deal with that exact type of situation, independent of National Hug Your Boss Day. And even though I joked about the other scenarios, there’s no joke about this one.So I think it’s best to keep your hands to yourself at work. Let your boss get hugs outside of the office, or at least from someone other than you.And if your boss brings up National Hug Your Boss Day and asks for a hug, you should decline, and remind him that September 20 is National Punch Day, and even though it’s intended as a day to celebrate punch the drink, you’re free to interpret it as you see fit.Whatever you do, just don’t forget National Ice Cream Cone Day.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

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