In case you missed it, the USDA released its annual estimate of how much it costs to raise a child from birth to eighteen. I’ll spare you the suspense: it’s expensive.I think it’s also poppycock.According to the USDA, it’s going to cost $245,340 to raise a child born in 2013. Let me save you the math (my apologies for what’s going to be a math-heavy post, but I like numbers), and tell you that that works out to $13,630 per year, or $1,135 per month.(Just for the record, all of these numbers are based on costs for a middle-income family.)I’ve got four kids. If you believe the USDA numbers, then my kids should cost me about $4,500 this month. As a middle-income person, that’s quite alarming since my wife and I are also part of my family. Looks like she and I will be eating nothing but cheese sandwiches and stone soup for the month.And things are only going to get worse. Sure, cheese sandwiches are inexpensive, but what about gas? How am I going to get to work if I can’t afford gas? How am I going to pay the mortgage if those little weasels are draining all my money?What’s that you say? You want me to explain? Okay, but only because you asked.Housing eats up 30% of the total cost of raising a child. Again I’ll save you the math and tell you that, according to the USDA, each of my kids have me on the hook for a little more than $340 a month in housing costs. That’s $1,363 per month combined for the four of them!Are you kidding me?Does anyone want to buy some kids? I mean for $1,363 per month, I could buy some granite countertops!But before I post them in the Kids for Sale section of Ebay, I better think about this a little bit more.According to the USDA website, housing costs include: mortgage/ rent, taxes, maintenance, repairs, insurance, utilities (including cell phones), house furnishings and equipment.Holy cow! What kind of palace does the USDA think I live in? If my kids are costing me $1,363 per month in housing costs, then how much do I cost myself? Are realtors giving people without children better deals?I know, I know, more kids means more bedrooms, but $1,363 per month more? I’ve got to look at my cable bill a little more closely; I had no idea Disney Channel was so expensive!And transportation. If you believe the USDA, those parasites are costing me $159 a piece, or $636 total, each and every month in vehicle loans, gasoline, motor oil, maintenance, repairs, insurance and public transportation (including airline fares). Where the hell are we going?If only I had no kids I’d have an extra $636 per month in my pocket. Of course, apparently, I’d also stay home all the time since the USDA charges every dollar I spend for transportation to my kids.“But what about education and childcare?” the USDA apologist might be saying right now. And yes, that apologist is right. Education and childcare are expensive. If the precious child has two working parents, then obviously there’s childcare to pay for until kindergarten begins. Then there’s after-school care for years after that. I get it.The USDA allocates $2,453 a year for education and childcare expenses. That seems a little high to me, but I know childcare is expensive, so I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. Still, that’s only $44,000 over eighteen years.All right, all right, I guess the kids have to eat. They cost me $181 a piece per month in food, says the USDA. I don’t know. That depends on the kid, and the year, I think. Especially if their awesome parents invent things like Eat Whatever you Want Day.My point is that the USDA figures are inherently flawed. Some costs are overhead costs. I have to have a house, and unless I’m the Duggars the size of my house probably isn’t increased all that much by having kids. Certainly not $340 per kid, per month.So I can spend that money on something really important. Like me.You should subscribe to this blog, don't you think? That way you'll never forget to come back. Forgetting is bad. So why don't you just type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. I'm not going to send you a bunch of junk, and you can ditch me any time you want.
By the way, if you like what you're reading here, you should like my Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes.